Doctors: ‘Home Alone’ Burglars Would Die

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Vickers Distractify video grabWe all remember Kevin’s ingenious tricks in Home Alone, the Christmas movie classic about a young boy who springs traps that make would-be robbers cringe in pain as he mightily tries to keep him and his house safe.

But as with the Three Stooges, the luckless Coyote in the Road Runner cartoons and other animated characters, the victims never seem to get any lasting injuries.

Medically speaking, what should have happened?

Dr. Jennifer Vickers of Ascension Seton and other other medical professionals recently did a 4 1/2-minute video now posted on the Distractify website that analyzes some favorite Home Alone scenes — Kevin shoots one burglar in the groin with a BB gun, the other burglar falls down a lengthy set of concrete stairs and more.

Vickers, wearing a white coat and plaid shirt, talks about injuries that likely would have occurred when one burglar grabs a door knob heated to the point where it is blazing red and the other steps on a stairway nail protruding inches high. Later, she comments on what should have happened after a blow torch broils a burglar’s head.

“Probably (in real life, that) would peel some of the layers of skin off,” Vickers said. “It might even expose some of the bone in that area.”

She also comments on a scene where a man rescues Kevin from the burglars by hitting both burglars in the back of their heads with a snow shovel.

“I love it how these guys have had, like, 10 head injuries so far and they’re fine and then this old dude hits them with a shovel and they’re down like that,” Vickers said.

In real life, Home Alone should have been a bloody mess. But it’s the holidays, so take a look at the Distractify video and Ho! Ho! Ho!